Well, well, well… It’s time for your third lesson in Postures & Motions for giggin’ guitarists! Actually, it’s for all guitartists including the bedroom kind who plays between a pile of laundry, and a messy bed in front of their judgemental cat audience.
Yes, there’s no reason why you should not look good too!
If you’ve been practicing that chaotic punk stance, and anchoring yourself like a classical guitarist aka like a mountain of calm, you’re in luck. Today’s lesson requires both wildness and discipline.
Talk about a wide (and wild) split.
Without further ado, let’s unleash our new study…
Metal Guitarist Postures & Motions
Quite the paradoxical animal, this one.
The metal guitarist may look like an untamed beast… hair flying, limbs flailing, soul screaming.
But behind that sonic chaos lies a deep reservoir of precision, theory, and eternal noodling.
Underneath the distortion and leather… lives a nerd who channeled every single piece of music theory, and gear knowledge into the loudest guitar noises known to mankind.
And guess what? It all shows in the posture.
Anatomy of a Metal Stance: A Study in Contrasts
We weren’t kidding… the metal guitarist is a hybrid species. Let’s break it down…
What do Punk and Metal Guitarists have in common?
- The headbanging is mandatory. But in metal, you can add circular hair motion. Like a windmill… except you’re the wind. Provided that you have enough hair to generate that air circulation!
- Right-hand rhythm is essential. In punk, it’s downstrokes only. In metal, we allow upstrokes… because speed.
- Wide stance with firm grounding. But metal anchors both feet to the ground! But it still allows the optional up-and-down hip thrust. Proceed with caution. You’re not 20 anymore.
Conclusion?
Metal and punk guitarists are long-lost cousins who took different life paths: One got into pure chaos, the other into complex chaos.
What about Metal vs. Classical Guitarists?
- Left-hand perpetual motion. Cascades of single notes only. No chords strumming allowed.
- Anchored feet. No stools here, but the principle’s the same: don’t. move. your. feet.
- The Eyes. Metal: glued to the neck. Classical: glued to the sheet music. Both: existential dread of missing a note in every blink.
Could it be that classical and metal are closer than we thought?
Maybe. But that’s a full semester on its own. Let’s not go there.
Why You Should Practice the Metal Stance
Because it’s quite unique actually. It looks fun, and awesome… But, it’s secretly disciplined.
(Also, because deep down… you are that guy.)
The only valid excuse not to practicte that stance is baldness. Sorry.
Headbanging with no hair is just aggressive nodding.
It doesn’t hit the same.
It just doesn’t…
But Beware : Side Effects
Beside the obvious neck pain from too much headbanging, too much noodling on the fretboard may result in accidental jazz fusion… especially if you’re a theory nerd!
⚠️ Warning : The hip/knee bounce may cause injury. Start slow. Respect your tendons. Guitar Fail accepts no responsibility for pulled hammies… but we do accept fan mail when it pays off.
Bonus Training Notes
- Minimum hair length for effective windmill: 20cm. Extensions allowed.
- Practice with a metronome set to 220 bpm. Or just play Slayer.
- Choose your weapon wisely. Pointy, and aggressive guitars only. The pointier, the better.
Now go shred, scream, and hurt your neck… responsibly.
Until next time… class dismissed.
