By now, you know that Guitar Fail has its own math class – Guitar Fail Math 101 – and we even dipped into geometry with a quick study of the Perfect Rocking Angles !
So what’s next? Time to push the boundaries a little further… into a topic criminally overlooked despite its life-or-death importance:
Welcome to your very first Guitarist Postures & Motions class !
This stuff is no joke. Your postures and motions can make – or break – your rockstar image… Or your metalstar, punkstar, bluesstar… take your pick.
Punk Rock Guitarist Postures & Motions
If you’re into punk rock, you know the drill: the guitarist has to be the epitome of cool with a dash of nonchalance, and at the same time, the very picture of nervous energy.
It’s not easy to balance such a paradox. Good luck figuring that one out!
Wait ! No ! You don’t have to. We already did it for you.
Punk Rock Posture Breakdown
Let’s be real: this isn’t just a stance, it’s a lifestyle geometry problem.
- Hair down over the eyes ! Who needs to see the fretboard when chaos is the only scale?
- Mouth is just a beer exhaust valve ! Oxygen is optional, barley and hops are mandatory.
- That right foot isn’t holding you up, it’s holding the entire band together.
- That left foot loose is a fancy way of saying “expect to trip on a cable.”
- Low-hanging guitar because nothing screams “punk” like spinal problems at 30.
- Optional hip/knee motion may cause injury. Or, if done right, may also cause legends.
Master this combo and you’ll achieve the true punk equilibrium: equal parts chaos, downstrokes, and questionable life choices.
Now Go Practice !
Now you know ! You’ve got the blueprint. Time to perfect your punk rock stance.
⚠️ Disclaimer: some moves may cause injury. Start slow. Be progressive. Guitar Fail is not responsible for pulled muscles, but we’ll gladly accept your gratitude when the training pays off.
Now go steal your singer’s thunder ! Shame your bassist ! Ignore your drummer… Everyone else does !
And above all… Impress the crowd.
Until next time… Class dismissed !
